went to go pick up some needed items for personal care – no not dildos. had what i’d call a mental flashbang that seemed to happen so quick.

anyways, where did i leave off?

oh right, the manipulation. so during therapy, this was court assigned. it was required and it was intended to bring back the “relationship” that technically never existed between my mother and I. it turned into everything i did wrong and the lies that my mother fabricated against me. she managed to get the therapist against me as well and when i pointed it out – only then after like 10 sessions did the therapist decide that yeah…this isnt happening.

after that, the courts knew then what to do. it felt like ages and that it was ridiculous to even have to come this far all just to clarify that my mother was a dipshit who didnt truly love her kid. but at last although, i was where i wanted to be. my father would have 100% custody of me until i was 18 and i wouldnt have to deal with my mother any longer. the only remaining issue (that i wouldnt even call an issue) was that she was required to still keep in contact with me – hence the emails.

she would (and still does) send them every so often. i have never replied to any of them as tempting as it was to tell her just how much of a problem she has caused me and those i love. what signals to me however that they could be scheduled and pre-written is that there was a time that my email got “bombed”. i was in the middle of work while my phone buzzed once. then twice. then a few times every few seconds. and before i know it it was like someone kept calling. i had over 1000 emails hit my inbox in the span of about an hour. during that time i configured an auto-reply to unsubscribe from everything and it just so happened that she sent an email while auto reply was still on. never got a reply though.

previously, i was scared to say anything. not of fear of being yelled at by anyone for what i say, no. i was encouraged in fact to tell her off and how i felt, something about making me feel better. instead, i feared that in the worst case situation, i told her to go fuck herself and that i’d much rather be attending her funeral then ever considering talking to her over coffee or something, that it would lead to her and that witch doing their devious planning that would lead to faults against my father for what i had said. i wasnt about to take any sort of risk of losing my little brother again.

now, i dont really feel anything towards it. before i didnt either, i was still upset by some stuff and was always wanting to have my word, but even now realizing that its probably all automated (if she figured it out, i fixed her computer and phone most of the time, hence why i was such an “elite FBI hacker”), it wouldnt even be worth it. i’d have a better chance at driving to her place and telling her to go fuck herself instead if i wanted it to get through to her.

unfortunately that witch is still going about her problems to this day, continuing with the abuse against my little brother, driving drunk, fucking that methhead now husband of hers, and giving two shits less about what her kids do. theres all sorts of a mess at that place she’s at. its not my business but i still find it funny how much more successful i am then any of her kids could dream of. sure, im not some executive sitting at the top of Microsoft (ew) tower, but I get to have fun going to work shows across the country, help out customers with technical stuff, and work with an awesome small team.

even outside of that, during school or after dark when i had my long coding sessions, shit still went south. during school it was like a PvP enabled server. not as bad as middle school but you had the communist party to vote for during school president stuff, some kids iPhone battery ignited (and Lithium batteries are very fun to watch explode) during lunch, we played Amorous (a furry porn game) in the middle of the lunchroom, we had kids trading guns for drugs on campus, people getting jumped in the field, I got pulled out of the bathroom by a supervisor mid-piss because we had a lockdown event, cherry bomb in the toilets flooding the engineering bay, “SEX.COM – WE WILL HAVE NONE OF THAT HERE”, a teacher (good guy, weird event) yeeted a goddamn desk at a student down the hall, sex dolls falling from the balcony, poker(?) with a lunchroom table in the bathroom, someone getting head during lunch in the bathroom, and so much more.

while i was there, i couldnt ever keep up. i didnt have the same happiness and motivation as i used to. computer science was easy and fun because of how much i did it just for fun casually. technically i had a college level of coding by my second year from the information i gathered. but when it came to things like math, sometimes history, and ELA on occasion, and especially Russian class, i couldnt keep up to save me. dont get me wrong, i only had one bad teacher id say and that class i only passed because of COVID, but like Russian Class for example, i had issues where id slack off a lot. even when i tried to focus and train myself, i couldnt keep it in my head. i’d be able to learn a chapter entirely at night at home, but by the next day it was like i never did it. i loved learning about the culture and all the history of the Tsars of Russia as well as some of the cultural stuff like how Jeep Grand Cherokees were the preferred vehicle after the downfall of the USSR, but i cant fucking speak any Russian for the life of me. and now its coming to bite me in the ass because half of our coding team is Russian.

(p.s. Mr.E, if you’re reading this at all out of the millionth of a chance you are, I apologize i was a giga-dipshit. As much as it may have not seemed it, Russian was probably one of my best classes I took…even if i barely passed, if you want to call it that)

during lunch id try to focus on some of that too, that was more after i ditched the group i used to be with, but it usually ended with me not eating. i didnt eat a lot and it became a habit that still follows me to this day. its also why im so underweight for my age. most of high school just felt like constantly working, i couldnt keep up and even just get a little free time for myself. i still tried to, usually making time for my gf at the time. i kinda wished we tried to do more but thats in the past and something to learn from now. that and i mean, the only money i had to do anything was whatever i had remaining from working on the farm.

at least though i got out before all the retarded games of “guess my gender” and “acknowledge my pronouns” though right?