still no response…not even a read indicator. did i fuck up royally? all of today has been like I’ve been riding a high. I’ve been super happy, maybe not so much energetic and motivated but better then I have been in a long time. it gives me a bad taste in my mouth…because these moments… Read More

messages sent this morning…its 1827 and he still has yet to read them. it makes me anxious but I still feel really good about it. which…also worries me. patience and persistence gets you a lot of things. knowing what to do adds to that. but sometimes, you don’t always want one or the other in… Read More

welp, it feels like this is some sort of life changing thing. like I’m about to have someone make a choice for me of losing everything or getting to the top – no in between. I’m not sure what it is, I’m not sure where it is coming from, but holy shit am I scared.… Read More

well, something happened last night. i noticed that with me doing a bit more work out of the house (doordashing, playing pokemon go with friends, etc.) I seem to be doing better…then combined with instead of watching the pronz, thinking naughty thoughts about a special someone, it improves uh…that side of me there. not as… Read More

im not sure why this continues to happen, but all of today i had nothing but deerboi on my mind. i wasnt on telegram. i mostly browsed my shitpost app while i waited on doordashes later this night. but yet, everywhere i went. everything i did. i thought about deerboi. what it would be like… Read More

it seems that despite distracting myself away from deerboi, i continue to think about him. watching the entirety of house like a madman (which i blame him for) continuously had me thinking about him. then when i watched the S3 ending, for some reason it made me even more fearful of being in a relationship.… Read More

“That would be a nice thing to do with Deerboi” “It’s not gonna happen. Shut up and let it go.” “I wish Deerboi was here now so we could cuddle and watch something for the night.” “He doesn’t even love you, stop obsessing over him.” “It hurts to see so many people go down the… Read More

so after some system migrations and moving, some services are back online. and some are broken. at this point i can barely even pull myself together enough to actually get some things done. i cant be near people, i cant really talk to people, i cant fucking do a lot. all i want to do… Read More