I just woke up…not in the best mood.

I had a dream that mixed in with lots of other items I’ve been doing, so it was a little off…but basically it started very well. I was in a corporate building. A beautiful one with large windows, I think some Christmas decor out, a unifi network that I had deplpyed…and it started coming together as if I owned this building. I made my dreams come true.

Then, things went south. I was being pulled aside by someone. I don’t have recollection of their face but something about them made me feel welcome. Made me feel okay. I cant explain it but it was like that was where most of my feeling of excitement was coming from.

As the dream went on, whoever it was pulled me aside. We went into this unfinished building. I think we walked out of the other place to go there and I may be missing a few minutes between then…but I wanna say that’s what happened. We walked out a back exit to a building under construction. Somewhere where concrete surrounded me. The lights flickered as there were few within the building.

We approached some guy who was giving the person pulling me along some sort of drugs. Immediately I started asking wtf is he doing. He said its okay, he does this all the time and I should try it. I was about to walk out of there when all of a sudden the guy pulling me here fell to the floor. I started screaming for someone to help. Someone to call for EMTs. But no one listened. No one cared.

Fast forward a bit and my work started going downhill. I couldn’t focus, I was unable to do anything…I just watched someone who was apparently close to me die…and here I am back at work.

I walked out of my office down this big glass railing. The stairs were large and kept very clean. Around here the Golden Christmas lights lit up the lobby and I saw more and more of them. But I felt nothing but dread. I felt like I failed someone.

As time went on, I continued to try and do my job, yet I couldn’t focus. Finally, I went home. To my fathers home. He was planning some sort of event with the family. Yet, the only ones that showed were the ones both of us stopped talking to a while ago. For good reason.

I kept my sentences when speaking to people short. People started realizing that something was wrong. I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t doing well and I wouldn’t open up…

I walked around with my little brother helping him with things and playing with him. I remember sitting down on the couch somewhere and for some reason opening Instagram. There, my account title read. “loser…failure…brother”. I don’t remember setting that. I scrolled through videos seeing more and more about what happened. Perfectly fine random videos all of a sudden telling me its my fault this person is dead.

Then, my little brother asked me why I was upset. And another member of my family exclaimed that its because I killed someone and now I’m upset over the consequences.

Most of the dream through here seems to fade away…I dont know if it was 100% correct but I think I got the basis of it…these last few nights seem to be full of nightmares…im not sure what else to be doing or if I am just scaring myself.