waking up this morning to no emotion – a normal thing as per usual. the first thing that I seem to do is wake up and scroll through my feeds. Twitter included.

Then, I see him. I see deerboi. Or something reminds me of him. He always ends up in my thoughts one way or another.

And its not like anything upsets me…I just want to make sure he’s at least okay. I don’t like doing this…acting as if I can never talk to him again, but I don’t know what I can do anymore.

Hes wonderful, a shy and smart personality, similar and different interests…making up a wonderful person who id love to spend my time with. Yet, it feels as if the miles between us are too far, we’d be unable to do anything and maintain any sort of relationship…

I want to strive to be better and do better. In lots of different ways. And should I ever be given that chance to be his, id push and push to make sure he’s okay and we’re the best we can be.

I don’t like spending money on myself either, which might just come in handy for him. I know he’s asked a tiny bit about coming here. I’m curious too on how that would work out with him being here…I want to see him succeed and have an awesome career but be able to balance it unlike what I do.

One can only dream and hope…and hopefully soon the opprotinity is provided. The opprotinity to potentially complete my life and I hope he would feel the same…but I should be prepared for the worst at all times…