things are continuing to look up, although as of recent motivation and drive have been a bit of a problem. i continue to push each day, wanting to do better and make more. i really think i have something solid with deerboi and i and i want to try and get more shit done at… Read More

damn, its been a week since i’ve made a new log… the relations between deerboi and i have been going well…i truly do hope to see him someday soon and spend my life with him. i want to be the very best I can for him, show him all he could be doing, and push… Read More

So i can say for certain that yes – porn will fuck your shit up. Maybe not instantly, maybe not within a couple of days…but with what ive seen and felt, it will not only ruin your look on things, but will ruin your relationships and bonding. Ive been taking note of thoughts and feelings… Read More

it seems things have played out for the better so far. my interest in deerboi remains, however, its not a needy feeling anymore. its this “mundane” steady warm cozy feeling. its amazing…it doesnt cause me problems but seems to help me continue to stay on the right track. even thoughts about that sex club to… Read More

well, nightfall has come again. i can’t stay up late…but it feels as if i didnt do enough. yet, thinking about recently… i’ve done a lot. and i should commemorate myself for it. at least let up a bit and understand that not all deadlines can be reached some days, but that i should continue… Read More

Well after going to bed, it appears something is blocking part of the memories and thoughts I had last night… I remember it wasn’t a good night and I was almost craving to be used by random men. Now…I cant get excited unless its deerboi. Something tells me if im not sleeping enough I mine… Read More

God its fucking hurting again… I was in the middle of working on my projects when I had that thought run through my head… Deerboi…getting used by a bunch of other men… Fucking hell I make it sound like a nightmare that’s come true and I overthink it so badly that it ends up causing… Read More

i can feel that urge, the one i’ve been getting over and over and trying to stop. i fucking hate that this is an urge in the first place…for me to have a want to be railed by a bunch of guys, doing disgusting sexual activities…it all fucking pains me. i hate it, i hate… Read More

Its been some time since I’ve made a new log so adding one now… Each and every day, at least a couple things about deerboi show up in my mind. Some sexual, some romantic, some just about how I’d like to see a relationship between us. I still prompt the question to myself of “do… Read More

I had some interesting things go through my mind today apparently. This…dream of having a wonderful house in the hills, white smooth walls, and a view on the roof of the sunset that was more beautiful then anything I could see. The dream itself was odd, it took place in what I believe to be… Read More