things are continuing to look up, although as of recent motivation and drive have been a bit of a problem.

i continue to push each day, wanting to do better and make more. i really think i have something solid with deerboi and i and i want to try and get more shit done at work too. currently it feels as though im letting people down. i sit at my desk and play games bc things are slow as hell right now but even on the better days, i fly though things or keep to myself because well…there’s usually not much to be done unless someone needs me. ive automated most of what needs done, ive cleaned up other pipelines and such…its a bit of a weird place where nothing to be done and nothing to be had…just wait. and i hate that. if im gonna work, get paid to work, all that jazz, then i want to work!

at the same time, maybe it is best. given my lack of drive and motivation…combined with the weird headaches, it may be best that this happens now to allow me time to recover and charge. its one of those feelings that im trying to understand if its me being burned out, being lazy, or something else. there’s times where i can play games for hours on end and not want to do work which is fine – usually the games end up backlogging inspiration and drive and allow me to go for months on end working without touching games again. but then theres other times where ive needed to do things and it all slows down. i lose drive for no reason, i dont feel tired or burned out…unless it was really just not paying attention to my body and mind.

theres lots going on, lots to do, and lots to be excited for. just seems to be one of those times where things are quiet right before lots of things happen. its just a matter of waiting to see…