It seems I’m gaining a sort of enlightenment as time goes on. My soul and mind are calm, no longer fighting with one another, my thoughts are clear but yet persuaded towards sin and negative thoughts at times. But alas, once things clear, I realize that I must not go on down certain roads. I… Read More

so…I wanted to just get my fantasy done and over with. try it once although I had a feeling I wouldn’t like it. so much distortion from pornography and such, I thought it would be amazing. i…luckily only had two guys to deal with. I didn’t really like it at all. something in me just…I… Read More

so yesterday i had slept maybe 1-2 hours. I wanted to try and push to get more shit done because i was unsatisfied with my recent work ethic. I did get some stuff done but the rest of that next day i was tired as hell and barely got anything done…so it ended up balancing… Read More

i continue to be on and off with that platform…i dont want other younger folk around my age brand new into the dating scene to think its okay to just abandon love. to just abandon any hope at having a signifigant other in a relationship with the proper balance…sure it takes time and effort and… Read More

i am beginning to understand that this may be related to Kaizen…again. all of it. im missing that emotion and as a result, im trying to find it again. im trying to get my hands on it as quick as possible. i want to help people. i want to help those who have been persuaded… Read More

I cant trust myself in my current state…this is going to take some time to restore back to something healthy… ive deleted my account and im growing a bigger and bigger distaste and overall just…disgust for all of what ive done. part of me told me to push until i cant stand it. but i… Read More

im not sure why ive never thought about this before or never seen it…but theres something worse that i…it hurts to see. it hurts to realize how easy it is to slip down a certain slope… ive been on a not so good streak as of recent. constantly trying to fill this hole of loneliness… Read More

theres so much going on now im not sure if im processing anything at all anymore. so many issues, so many problems, all that im bringing upon myself. and i keep telling myself to be strong for deerboi. be the help he needs, do what i can to pull him out of whatever could be… Read More

theres…theres a lot going on. and im not sure how i feel about it. lets start with the small stuff…well…small in my eyes. my grandmother on my moms side has passed away. and to be blunt – she deserved it. it wasn’t sudden…it was over the course of some time apparently. i dont have all… Read More

fuses popped, things broken, and now…everything feels…lost. I ended up going to one of the sex clubs in Las Vegas. Something about that city was…im not even really sure. It called for me in a way. It called for me to do lustful things. Things i would normally despise. I tried to hold myself together… Read More