woke up decently early to write this and a couple other things…the thunderstorm seems to have woke me up before it actually went off. while small, it was a gorgeous sight to see.

for some reason I had my thoughts set on Kaizen for a bit. how he had always wanted it his way and kinda just thinking back on hor terrible he really seemed as a significant other. never there for me, never respected my wishes, just did whatever he wanted…it’s the same shit though I think about from time to time, why is this any different?

and then I thought about having an S/O that’s actually worth it but once again…I dont see that happening. with all the problems I have it’s either going to be another of the same situation or it’s gonna be someone who wants to use me…and I have a small fear of falling in love with someone who I think shares the same feelings, but it’s not until I pass away that I realize they never did truly love me.

My…thirst for lack of a better term…seems to always be insatiable. I always have some sort of thing related to love on my mind. Who would be the perfect person. The people I’ve dated in the past. The wrong moves i made on my part…and my reasoning and “cope” you could say behind never being able to find anyone.

just another day in the life of being a dumbass lmao