had a bit of a rough rest last night. after going to bed, ended up having a dream I was called back down for work. fine, whatever, it happens. when I got down there, had sushi with a coworker, and then found a place to stay. first weird part of it.

it looked like a place being renovated and that’s fine but it was a bit odd. the person who owned it apparently was a friend of my father, but I never knew him myself. whatever, fine. went down to the restaurant and spoke with coworkers and had sushi. also an odd place with dark wood and those…temples? im not sure what they’re called but the stacked buildings with the things out each corner. they put them on some of the biggest mountains in some asian countries for monks to focus and stuff.

then, went to bed in that guy’s place where I was awoken right before by a crackhead sawing his way through and taking…PVC pipes? water started going everywhere but that owner guy didn’t seem to care. just kinda one extra thing to do. his wife and daughter (once again, don’t know these people) were there and seemed unphased, even as I grabbed a shotgun (not mine but somehow exists in the state of California, crazy right?). dude already ran off with his “copper” by the time I went out.

finally as I was packing up and getting ready, I remembered there was a bathhouse/gay sex club in the city. right then and there have I never been hit with such a fear of panic, a wave of excitement, then a flight or fight response so huge. all in that order. i freaked the fuck out and just got out of the house in a hurry to go home…before anything happened. it still all went through my head beforehand. as I was almost sprinting to the airport (not sure why there was no dream Uber), I was remembering all those lustful thoughts. being put into a sex sling, being used by many other men as if I’m nothing more then a fleshlight, everything I did before there…it fucking scared me. and I’m not sure why….it may be for the best.

I’m not going to look into it too much. it may be a matter of a “safety measure” that won’t work after being used one too many times, so if I don’t think about it or overanalyze it, it should remain…at least then I don’t need to worry about ever actually going there… hopefully. I still regret going my first time…