welp, it feels like this is some sort of life changing thing. like I’m about to have someone make a choice for me of losing everything or getting to the top – no in between. I’m not sure what it is, I’m not sure where it is coming from, but holy shit am I scared. Im scared of what deerboi will say. Im scared of losing him. Im scared of if he is the one and I lose him…i say the wrong thing at the wrong time..and then I find out down the road something happened to him that I could of prevented…or maybe its that I know I cant find happiness with someone else. I don’t know.

all the same questions, repeating over and over. all these amazing thoughts and wants and “to-dos-if-it-all-goes-right”. should I stop talking to him? should I make sure he’s okay? should I just shut up and wait for him to talk to me? who’s to say what I should do in my love life? whos to say whats wrong and whats right? no one knows my life path, no one knows the future…and after all, where’s the fun in that?

i guess let this be a wrap up. tomorrow, in about 12 hours, once those messages send, the response will determine what I do. i cant say for certain what I will do, but if it fails, I don’t plan on dating. i don’t want to date anyone else.

but if it doesn’t fail, everything goes right…well…

I’ll be fighting to keep that going forever – and may it be the best gift life has given me.