just for clarification – no, nothing related to suicide is occuring.

but instead, the day that apparently is chosen for my birth date.

i should be happy or excited or whatever people think. but im not. i dont like the attention, i dont want it to be celebrated, i just…i want to be left alone.

it sounds fucking insane and i hate that this is what is on my mind and that’s how i think it’s best to handle this…but the only thing i can think is the more attention that’s being brought to me on this day is going to fucking throw me overboard. it’s going to break me for some retarded fucking reason that i honestly dont know why.

it’s so fucking stupid. it’s ridiculous that i think im going to snap because people are celebrating my day of birth. what the fuck is really wrong with me?

not only that, but i keep thinking again about deerboi. it feels like its only sex. i went back on that retarded app i used before for hookups and saw that a gay couple within my area is doing another gangbang. is that the couple i am going to be with deerboi? it’s going to be such a mess of a relationship that we need to have a bunch of random men come screw the both of us?

its only noon and im already so done with today. i dont want to go anywhere, i dont want to talk to anyone, i just want to be left alone to work.

maybe its time i take another break from all communications…