its about 2 in the morning. ended up breaking my 5 day streak (luckily not to nsfw content) and deleted my grindr account, and yet somehow everything just went back to normal.

the first time i had done the deed, everything stopped for a second and i stopped freaking out. i stopped always thinking about sex and trying to find a partner and do i need to find a female or male partner and all this other jazz. then about 10 minutes later, i did it again and it nearly put me to sleep. which i find odd. last i checked doing it solo does not release any hormones or signals to the brain to go to bed. at the same time too, i almost fell asleep around midnight and i would of continued to if i hadnt gotten a handful of notifications.

and the last part to this all – questioning if im truly thinking the right way with deerboi. dont get me wrong, something is suspicious about whatever the hell is going on, but i should give him a chance to explain himself rather then completely cut him off. for all i know he’s just scared to try a date because well…two people over the internet. when does that ever go well?

anyways, i guess consider this the last message of the night, will (hopefully) be going to bed and should feel better in the morning. going to try and keep this solo stuff to every 5 days since that also seems to be my limit.