this will be my final note to journal. the last block on the drive put to use. the finish line…

it’s time that this story has come to an end. i’ve told my story, parts of my life, and those who i’ve met. the road less traveled has given me the facts, results, and information i needed. i thank those who’ve read my journey, those who have stayed with me, those tried and true. i thank the Russian & Chinese bots for attempting to break my site as you’ve taught me more about what to look for and how to defend.

i thank Deerboi for teaching me what not to become, who not to become. when i had my crush on you, i may have just been searching for someone to fill that void in my heart, yet you seemed to fit decently well. however, talking to you more and more made me realize who you truly are. you are a shitty person – corrupted by being spoiled from your parents, everything handed to you. you allow such gross things to take your life over not because you want it, but because you choose to be weak. all those times i thought of us, it eventually always ended with thoughts about us both being whores in a relationship. being the neighborhood cock sleeves. and finally ridding myself of the problems ive had, that’s fucking disgusting. there was that period that i wanted to see you in person, not only to kiss you and become a couple and go on dates to see if you were really interested in me, and that’s my fault for not realizing you weren’t. i should of let it go. but instead, i got too close to you and wanted to protect you. i wanted to change you for the better and watch you succeed. i had the information and tools to help you try and get into that IT field, all the tests, books, whatever information you needed, yet you chose to never use it. you wanted it handed to you on a silver platter, like everything else. and now look at you. you’re another reason for me to avoid those conventions. i know exactly what you’re going to try and do. and im happy im not yours. i leave you with my final words: go fuck yourself.

i thank Kaizen for making me understand myself and who i am. for letting me get so attached to you and trying to protect you. for making me realize what a horrible fucking boyfriend really looks like. for giving me all the examples of who not to be. telling me what to do as if you know better, acting like it’s so easy to do everything you do while i struggle to pay rent. watching you beg your parents for money for you to go prance around in skirts and female clothing all the while you’re working a damn job as a nuclear reactor technician. for making me realize when to cut ties with people. all those times i tried to hide and skip out to go see you, wasted. wasted because you’re impatient. wasted because you never chose to understand the shit i had been going through. wasted because you truly never cared for us as a couple. you cared for yourself. you never defended me, yet during those times i was thrown out of the house because of you – i would of died for you. and at the end, it never mattered. i was nothing more then a problem to you. nothing more then a trophy.

towards the end, as i shitposted on Twitter/X, i do thank those who shitposted and debated with me.

thank you to Twilight for showing me more information and facts to bring to the table, and how deranged the furry community is. while i don’t agree with your look on FWBs and hookups, you are an inspiration. i know you’re highly un-religious, but there’s notes to take from everything. from my experience, going to bathhouses, all those disgusitng men i had screwed, all the horrible memories i made – it’s not worth it. i understand you have a hubby now though, keep him by your side at all costs and don’t let go. and should something happen between you two, wait. wait for another partner rather then fucking your friends. i promise you it’s a lot better. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, saying that from experience.

to all my owl companions i spoke with: life’s a hoot – and im fucking screeching all the time. or something. i dunno, i know there’s a few owl folks i spoke with. or more avians. Tito, Deacon, im sure a few others im missing.

to (most) of the rest of the furries out there – you’re all degenerate retards who need to clean up your fucking community. it is sickening to see regular grooming, retards thinking they get more rights because they use “they/them”, and especially the gross ass murrsuits/sexualized fursuits around everyone. there’s a million other issues i could go on about, but this sexual deviancy should remain more…private. the world doesn’t need to see you taking dick from every guy who hasn’t showered in a year.

i hope to those reading this, that you take a page from my book. you see the examples from me of what to do and what not to do. im quite frankly lucky to not be six feet under, given i’ve driven for hours on end till i hallucinated for a job that no longer cares about me, gone to not one – but two gay sex clubs (they’re not bathhouses, tbh) in Los Angeles and Las Vegas without protection (if you wish to know the details, bottomed in both situations and then contemplated wrapping my car around a tree), got drunk one time and had my pistol calling my name…i’ve never had that many suicidal thoughts in quite some time and i dont think i’ll be drinking again…been with more asian women then i can count through illicit massage parlors (and one legal NV brothel, the dead look in this dear’s eyes is one i’ll never forget and quite frankly scares me…), and much more.

i have more work to do upon myself, but these experiences as much as id like to regret them, have at least taught me something. i hate how many times ive fucked people. i wish i could rewind it all as far back as not even loving Kaizen. i wish i could do better, keep the experience but go back in time. but alas, i’ll only be wasting my time thinking like that. it’s time to move forward. it’s time to forgive and forget. forgive Kaizen for what he’s done to me…but also forgive myself for the wounds I have inflicted. most if not all of these matters could have been avoided had I been a bit smarter about thinking. especially with Deerboi. had i never interacted with him, i wouldn’t of caused these issues upon myself. it hurts to know that you may care a lot for someone, yet they will never care for you. it’s a feeling that you must er…get used to i guess is the best way to put it.

thank you to everyone, quite honestly. i wish you all the best and if you must send a message to me, know that I will read it but i will most likely not respond. i’ll leave my final contact information below. and to clarify this message – it’s a start of new beginnings. not a suicide note, not a way for me to leave this planet, but rather to give closure to my disappearance.

~TacticalYiffing ( protogen@protogen.army )