alright well, things are slowly coming back online. god i fucking hate trying to spin up a cluster from scratch for kubernetes. its like trying to balance on a string, one wrong character, one wrong setting definition and your cluster combusts into flames. anyways, my own stability has gone down into the shitter. emotions are… Read More

forgot to come back to this. but after the whole thing of whether im gonna find someone and who i look for and blah blah blah…i just dont know if thats gonna happen. and i want to not give a shit at this point. emphasis on the “I want to not” as no matter what… Read More

well to start off, I did write something on the 24th which has appeared to fail to actually save. first time I’ve seen that happen. second, I’m back to just being a lone wolf. I don’t have hopes for any future partner and I don’t want to look. I can’t not think with my dick… Read More

something broke…beep boop… Read More

it’s about 1 am now. i woke up overheating and unable to fall back asleep maybe an hour after i actually went to bed. i said my peace to deerboi before i did. since ive now deleted my telegram i sent it over discord. basically explained he’s beautiful and amazing but im not going to… Read More

im pretty sure at this point that history is repeating itself. call me emotarded but i genuinely don’t think im meant for a partner. my first one was absolutely amazing until she moved and became something completely different then who i remember. in the couple of times i have talked to her since then, she… Read More

well im not sure what to do anymore besides just try to force myself to go full lone wolf. as cringe as that is. i made the mistake of asking deerboi about a relationship and what he thought. he said he didnt want to commit to anyone and vice versa because he wanted to do… Read More

I can safely say that the shit with her is done. And Kaizen. And I think its time that I put both of these stories in their spot, tucked away in a locked chest somewhere in my mind and in my life. I want to end the bickering I have with these two in my… Read More

well, it seems that this has passed. this whole thing with being obsessed over having her back, as if she was going to be who she used to be. the thing is, it seems as if it’s strengthened my attachment to deerboi. i don’t know exactly how i feel about having a family or anything… Read More

fucked[0] = i find myself zoning out in the shower more often, which i was doing before, around the time of the breakup of Kaizen. i also find myself saying the same things about her, again. i also find myself going back to her profile and reading the messages between us. i keep thinking to… Read More