she’s still on my mind and im not sure why. im doing the same thing i do with people i have a new crush on. that whole thing where you think about beginning to end with them and what it’s like to do xyz. i dont know if this is just some sort of “side… Read More

thoughts are getting worse, more common, more…odd, and not sitting well with me. im coming across the same questions again. the same thoughts. i’ve been here before and i know it. something is wrong, something is reminding me for some reason…pulling me into the same state i was before. i’m better than what i used… Read More

been some time since ive been back here, which is good. system shows better results, im actually for the most part sleeping and waking up on time, taking care of things more, and overall just feeling a lot better about myself. some of it was confidence and building that up, some of it was simply… Read More

something’s wrong, like really wrong. to touch a bit here – i had fucked up some shit on this node so i gave up for a bit since i was feeling better and just now got back in. some retard using proton vpn kept trying to lock me out, too bad i know a thing… Read More

still no response…not even a read indicator. did i fuck up royally? all of today has been like I’ve been riding a high. I’ve been super happy, maybe not so much energetic and motivated but better then I have been in a long time. it gives me a bad taste in my mouth…because these moments… Read More

messages sent this morning…its 1827 and he still has yet to read them. it makes me anxious but I still feel really good about it. which…also worries me. patience and persistence gets you a lot of things. knowing what to do adds to that. but sometimes, you don’t always want one or the other in… Read More

welp, it feels like this is some sort of life changing thing. like I’m about to have someone make a choice for me of losing everything or getting to the top – no in between. I’m not sure what it is, I’m not sure where it is coming from, but holy shit am I scared.… Read More

well, something happened last night. i noticed that with me doing a bit more work out of the house (doordashing, playing pokemon go with friends, etc.) I seem to be doing better…then combined with instead of watching the pronz, thinking naughty thoughts about a special someone, it improves uh…that side of me there. not as… Read More

im not sure why this continues to happen, but all of today i had nothing but deerboi on my mind. i wasnt on telegram. i mostly browsed my shitpost app while i waited on doordashes later this night. but yet, everywhere i went. everything i did. i thought about deerboi. what it would be like… Read More

it seems that despite distracting myself away from deerboi, i continue to think about him. watching the entirety of house like a madman (which i blame him for) continuously had me thinking about him. then when i watched the S3 ending, for some reason it made me even more fearful of being in a relationship.… Read More