“That would be a nice thing to do with Deerboi” “It’s not gonna happen. Shut up and let it go.” “I wish Deerboi was here now so we could cuddle and watch something for the night.” “He doesn’t even love you, stop obsessing over him.” “It hurts to see so many people go down the… Read More

so after some system migrations and moving, some services are back online. and some are broken. at this point i can barely even pull myself together enough to actually get some things done. i cant be near people, i cant really talk to people, i cant fucking do a lot. all i want to do… Read More

as weird as it sounds, i think its interesting how the human mind functions. not off of only logic, but evolution, primitive needs, and emotion. maybe i’ve come to terms with the pain that this all brings me and thats why im not acting like a deranged lunatic. last night and the few nights before,… Read More

every time. every fucking time. i was coming back to my senses, i began feeling attraction towards deerboi again. we’re just supposed to be friends and thats fine and dandy, i have no problem with that. but when it came to talking to him, it was like i had to hold back everything. i was… Read More

It was a cool summers night in Bellevue. For One and Two, this was just another day for them. A Tuesday night where One had work from home and Two did some stuff around the house as well as continued his drawings. The couple was happy, they had a beautiful place full of memories. Pictures… Read More

i have felt maybe 3 minutes of relief today. the rest is either absolutely goddamn nothing or its pain. im overthinking so much fucking shit. there’s so much going on in my head i cant stay on one thing. sure, i was still working and doing things today, but i’d be working on the server… Read More

i dont feel a damn thing. again last night i was doing well, then i slowly became tired and fell asleep about 12:30-1am. then just waking up today was absolutely nothing. im not sure if its some sort of protective situation since that seems to be the core reason of most of my issues…protecting myself… Read More

im not sure what it is with me today but i’ve been overly tired right up until the end of the night. i fell asleep for 30/45 minutes earlier about 5-6pm, played a bit of minecraft after, then about 9-10pm my energy went right back up. with that too, i seem to be a bit… Read More

slept like shit last night, had a dream that i was being attacked and ended up killing someone. i swear i thought i felt their blood across my body. that or i pissed myself and didnt realize it. woke up pretty late today, stayed in bed until about 10. first thing on my mind right… Read More

seems like someone’s attempting to break something or im just severely retarded and accidently ddosing myself. regardless, something fell over me all of a sudden. i’ve had “alone time” maybe 3-4 times today, if not more. something isnt healthy, maybe im not getting out enough. its beginning to feel like home here and not in… Read More